Damages

It seems like for a long time there was a lot of residual damage that kept me from being myself. Actually there was a lot of residual damage that made me get inside a shell and kept me from being anything more than shy. I think I wanted to be protected from being scrutinized to the point that someone would leave me again. I think I'm finally snapping out of that and it's great! It only took about 2 years, but honestly thats about the amount of time the experts say it takes.

Divorce leaves a scar that lasts and gives you a new appreciation for ex-wife and mother-in-law jokes, and I still wouldn't change that for anything, but I gotta say it's nice to start to feel normal again.

Advice from Mark Sheppard

So, I recently attended DragonCon 2010 and got the following words of wisdom from Mark Sheppard, who played Badger on Firefly.

"Oh divorced eh? I've done it twice now and it was the best decision I've ever made. Both times. Eventually you'll meet the one you're supposed to be with and it'll scare the shit out of ya. But don't look back mate, it's the best thing that could've happened to ya!"

He's so right lol...

A Note to Visitors

Note: I’ve decided to handle this blog as less of a bitch-and-moan fest and more of a speak your mind kind of situation. I've also decided to add content more regularly as I've let this blog sit for too long. I think there is real value in expressing how a situation has affected you because somewhere someone is going through the same thing, and if anything I say can help someone get to the next step of recovery sooner, or make some sense out of one of the most chaotic situations around then that’s what matters.

I’m not going to take down any of the older posts either by me and my ex wife, or by me in a time of intense frustration and anger because that’s where I was at the time. It’s important not to forget where you came from, but it’s even more important to learn from those situations and move forward. There is a time to be angry and there is a time to stop being angry and realize there is nothing you could have done differently. Sometimes you fail, and the more we realize that sometimes it’s ok to fail the sooner we will come to terms with our own humanity.

Divorce is not an option - until now!

Greetings Internet,

Remember that blog about a newlywed couple that was just trying to figure it out? Well it turns out that only one of them was trying to figure it out, and the other one just wanted to pack up half of the apartment and bank account, and leave. Fun times for all involved, but especially me, the apparent non-showerer mentioned below.

Pardon my aside, but I bring this to your attention in order to help you by bringing you a top 10 list of things not to do if you want a marriage to last. So without further adue, here are some things that are helpful when planning to stay in a long lasting relationship, such as marriage.

1. Stay Married.
   
   Now, I know this sounds simple, but for some it is not. Remember, on the wedding day you said "I do."
   
   
2. Realize what you are getting into.
   
   Marriage is a big responsibility. Lines such as, "Well I didn't know the commitment I was getting into," usually don't sound feasible considering there is a state sponsored document saying you did.
   
   
3. Don't withhold sex.
   
   Now this one sounds simple, but let's delve a bit deeper. If your current fiance has voiced that sex is a rather important part of his life, it may behoove the soon-to-be-hooved to understand sex should be a big part of their marriage. Even if your significant other was nice to you the entire day but forgot to do that one thing you asked, they are probably still deserving of it if it is important to them. Crying because you'd rather be at your brother's house, or because you don't know your body well enough to know what you want are generally not a fun part of the sexual relationship. Also not giving sex for 3-5 months at a time is generally not encouraged either, especially in marriages that last roughly a year.
   
   
4. Communicate.
   
   No one is a mind reader. Can you tell me what this next sentence is going to say? If you can, then you... well you're a douche and no one likes you so marriage won't be a problem now will it? If you can't tell me what the next sentence is going to say, then that is a perfect example of why communication is important. If your significant other doesn't know that you like spending every waking minute either on the phone complaining to your mom about the marriage, or spending time at your brother's house for WTF knows what, then you should probably communicate that to them.
   
   
5. Pretend to care about your significant other's family, and interests.
   
   Generally falling asleep on the couch is discouraged during visits to your significant other's family. This is especially true if you have the habit of generally not caring and sleeping during every visit to your significant other's family. Also taking advantage of them is generally discouraged. For example, if you know your spouse's family is planning a 3 week Mediterranean cruise, why not let them know in advance that you won't be attending said cruise because you have been busy for the past 5 months planning to leave him. "What's that? You'll just do it when you get back from that cruise? Why not!"
   
   
6. Be respectful.
   
   See number 10. (and 1-9)
   
   
7. Know your body.
   
   If you know nothing of sex, what you are doing with your body, what your likes and dislikes are, etc, etc... it's probably a bad idea to hype of the idea of sex to your future spouse. In fact, a better idea would be to tell them that you don't know your urethra from your fingernail, and you need help doing number 2's. At least that way they are confused and no longer think about the topic of sex.
   
   
8. Sacrifice.
   
   Ok - now I know this is a topic that can sometimes get iffy. But if your spouse has agreed to spend every weekend at your brother's house, learn sign language for your deaf niece so he can communicate with the family, doesn't call his mother as much because it makes you feel self conscious, even though your relationship with yours has gotten more awkward, close knit and closed off (Oh she wants you to get a divorce? That makes sense, because it worked so well for her...), has strained his relationship with his family to make you happy, as well as stopped playing the musical instruments that are dear to his soul because repetition makes you uncomfortable, then it is probably safe to say they are contributing a fair amount of sacrifice, and it wouldn't hurt to meet an occasional request of theirs, such as for some personal space to pursue the interests that made you both become interested in one another in the first place.
   
   
9. Don't take advantage of your significant other's family.
   
   As mentioned above (See number 5), it is probably best not to take advantage of your spouse's family. If you know you are going to get a divorce, 5 months in advance, it is probably a bad idea to agree to go on a 3 week all expense paid Mediterranean cruise with them, and then break it off with their son the week after, which happens to also coincide with Christmas. While the spouse may be appreciative at your attempt to guilt and shame them for all the supposed wrongs they committed in the relationship, by leaving the Christmas present you got them unwrapped under the tree, or leaving the only ornaments you have as a couple up in plain view, it is usually a frowned upon practice. Saying in writing that divorce is not an option, and going to a couples retreat, and months of counseling is a good step in not taking advantage of both your spouse or your spouse's family's mental energy, it is again usually frowned upon to do so without the intent of ever taking any of it to heart.
   
   
10. Don't bring your spouse's faith, or ability to parent a child into question because of your own insecurities with your father, who in all fairness was probably relieved to be detached from your psychotic, narcissistic, egotistical, godless, hypocritical, desperate, clingy, diseased, mentally challenged backwoods excuse for a mother who probably gave you the bizarre incestuous-by-all-outward-appearances relationship with your brother. A'hem.
    
    See number 10.

In conclusion I hope this was a very insightful peek into what can happen when your nagging, prudish, bi-polar, special needs, whiny bitch of a wife decides she wants to enter into a relationship with you, and then very abruptly cut it off. Pay attention to those red flags kids.

Hygeine, shmygeine

During the past nine and a half months of our marriage, my work schedule required me to wake up, get ready for the day, and leave home early in the morning, before my husband even woke up. Two weeks ago my shift at the hospital changed and now I'm home in the morning when my husband is getting ready for work. I've noticed that he only showers SOMETIMES in the morning. Now, correct me if I'm wrong, but don't the unwritten rules of hygeine require daily showering? I've always assumed it falls under the category of common knowledge, such as brushing your teeth twice a day. I would assume that the rules for a bachelor are different. He can shower maybe every other day because no one has to smell his stank behind when he gets home. But shouldn't a married man, out of respect for his wife, take a shower daily? I confronted him on the issue this morning and made a very compelling arguement. As a wife, no, as a woman much is expected of me in the way of hygeine and grooming habits. My husband (and the rest of society) expects me to look nice, smell nice, dress nicely, have make-up on, cute panties on, and keep certain areas shaved regularly. The ugliest and smelliest double standard in the world is that I shouldn't expect my husband to even shower regularly. Please don't misunderstand me. I'm not an overbearing "shower nazi." My request is perfectly reasonable: shower daily most of the time. I will gladly overlook an occasional slobbish Sunday of frenchfry headed bliss. Come on clean, self-respecting people of the world. Join me in talking some sense into my low standards husband. And please, if you spend more than 40 hours/week on the computer, do not even enter into this discussion. Don't pollute my wayward husband's mind with your bridge troll mentality.

The Stand Book Review

Hey you! Yes, you. That's right, over here in the corner. I've got something for you. Come a little farther. That's it. Inside this dark chest of wonders lies The Stand by Stephen King.

It's my first time reading it, and so far I'm about halfway through the uncut edition. Based on the first 200-300 pages alone I would say go out and buy this book. Whether fans of 28 Days Later, Dawn of the Dead (remake), or any other post-apocalyptic plot know it, the pages in this tome are your roots.

King's eerily accurate portrayal of a pandemic, and the ensuing panic not only hit the bullseye, it is frighteningly relavent during an era where the world is gripped by fear of Bird Flu, Sars, Chemical Warfare, and military conflict.

As with nuclear inspired fiction of yester-year, King captures an era and capitalizes on taking us to the dark corners of our brain we are afraid to visit. So far, a must read for reader's and non-readers alike.

Will make sure to write a finished review when it's all wrapped up!

The Working World

Greetings infrequent internet user, and thanks for stopping by.

The past year or so has led to some difficult crossroads - mainly work related. Learning to handle the daily stress of not just a job, but a very high stress job in a high pressure work environment right out of college, has been draining to say the least. Neither my, nor I believe my wife's, pre-fabricated ideas of what the work world would be like can compare to what it actually turned out to be. Not to complain, because it hasn't all been bad. In fact, it's been quite a learning experience, and there have been lots of life lessons.

moar funny pictures

I hear most people's first job out of college isn't exactly what they expect. But at what point do you say, "enough is enough," and what process do I go through to look for something new. The advice of family with similar work / school experience, and with much more work experience than I, has been to stick it out, no matter how bad the job gets, because if I quit this job, every job I interview for after this will look at my resume and see that I left - which I guess to them is a sign of disloyalty.

So what do you guys think? Does it look better to stick around until you either get promoted / moved around, put in my two weeks notice, or wait until you get canned so you can move on to something else?

It's hard to see the light at the end of the tunnel when you feel trapped in what you are doing - but let's hear it. Sound off on your first job experiences, from the particularly bad, to the really good, and help shed some light on this predicament!